just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
