And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
