i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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