Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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