That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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