No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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