She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
