I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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