I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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