If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
