She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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