just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
