ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
