absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
