i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
