I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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