i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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