You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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