This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
