We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize