just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
