Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
