My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
