At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
