guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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