i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
