Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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