Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
