just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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