nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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