all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
