YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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