just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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