so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ate ashes out of my bong
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize