I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
