i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
