Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Green mimosas i think yes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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