speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
