well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
