Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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