i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
