i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
