2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
