Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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