this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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