Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
