I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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