Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
