did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
