I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
