we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
