I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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