Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
