I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize