So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
