yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
