I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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