your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
