Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
