oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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