There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
