@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
