My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
