shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
