All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
