i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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