You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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