the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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