I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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